The Mastery of Life Blog


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The key to resolving disputes

When you have two people together, you can expect to have disagreements. How you handle these disagreements determines the quality of your relationship. Most of us handle them in a way that is very destructive. We get defensive and draw sides against the other person. Then we fight to have our side prevail.

We think that if we fight hard enough, our side will win. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Everything you do to have your side win is calculated to have the other side lose. This puts the other person on the defensive and forces that person to fight you.

Then you get defensive and fight the person even more. Then the other person gets upset and fights you more. Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict that creates needless suffering and makes it very difficult to resolve anything. Fortunately, this can easily be avoided.

To learn how, let’s start by looking at the nature of arguments. Whenever there is an argument, there are two people who are forcefully pushing their point of view on the other. No one is listening. Nothing is getting resolved and the cycle of conflict is escalating dramatically.

The key to ending an argument and resolving a dispute is simple. Stop talking and listen. It is physically impossible to have an argument with someone who listens.

The next time you are in an argument, listen to what the other person is saying and hear it from that person’s point of view. You don’t have to like what the person is saying or even agree with it. You don’t have to do anything. Just listen.

Once you have fully let in the other person’s point of view, there will be an opening for you to express yours. Once both of you have said everything you want to say, you can have a conversation about solutions.

The next step is to look for solutions that work for everyone. This is important because when you do this, you dissolve opposition and resistance. You also find solutions. In fact, you will be surprised at how fast you find them. The solutions are always there, we just don’t see them. We don’t see them because we don’t look for them. We are too busy arguing.

Learning how to resolve disputes can make your life a lot easier.

Are you living in the light or the darkness?

There was a day a while back when I was grumpy and life wasn’t much fun. I was discouraged and negative. Then I went to lunch and saw an old friend. We hugged each other and I experienced a powerful burst of love. All of a sudden, life was wonderful again. I was happy, alive, and very positive. Life was a joy and opportunity was everywhere.

Nothing changed in the realm of circumstances, but everything changed in me. One moment I was in the darkness and in the next moment, I was in the light.

When you are in the light, you feel good about yourself and good about life. You also have a very positive attitude. You are positive in your thinking, your speaking, and your actions. You then radiate this positive energy into your life and great things happen around you. This is the realm of love, joy, peace, happiness, and miracles.

The opposite state is one of fear, upset, and suffering. When you are in this state, you lose your power and shut down inside. Your walls of protection go up. You lose your ability to see clearly and become very negative. You then radiate this negative energy into your life and negative things happen around you. When you are in this state, you are living in the darkness.

We think that our inner state is determined by what happens around us, but this is an illusion that will keep us stuck forever. Our inner state is not determined by what happens. It is determined by how we relate to what happens.

At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is and this is true whether you like it or not. Everything can change tomorrow, but at any moment, what’s so is always what’s so. When you can flow with the truth of the way your situation is, you are creative and very effective. You see clearly and can see what needs to be done. Solutions appear and life takes care of itself.

When you can’t flow with the truth of the way your situation is, you create a state of fear, upset and suffering. You lose your ability to see clearly and instead of finding solutions, you destroy love and magnify the problem.

Look at the areas of your life that work great. These are areas where you can flow with whatever happens. Now look at the areas of your life that don’t work. These are areas where you can’t flow. Any relationship and any area of your life that isn’t working is an area where you are fighting the truth of something. If you could let go of the resisting, this area of life would start clearing up.

It is possible to create a life more wonderful than you can imagine. Relationships can heal. Problem areas can get resolved and you can be in the light most of the time, but this won’t happen by itself. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take.

Fortunately, there is a step-by-step process you can take to transform your life. I can walk you through the steps. If you are in Houston, you can attend our programs. If not, you can get our Mastery of Life Video Course and if you want, I can work with you individually. If you have any questions, call me at 713-520-5370.

Restore your effectiveness by releasing negative emotion

On the surface, we resist certain circumstances, but at a deeper level, we don’t resist the circumstances. We resist all the feelings and emotion that the circumstances trigger. We don’t notice this emotion, but it is certainly there.

To see this in your life, find a time when you have been upset. Then look under the upset and notice the hurt. It’s the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt that makes life uncomfortable. It also destroys your ability to find solutions and it forces destructive behavior.

If you ever find yourself in a difficult situation, the top priority is to free yourself of this negative emotion. The moment you do this, you restore your peace of mind and your ability to see clearly. Solutions appear and this area of life starts clearing up.

The best way to learn how to release negative emotion is to look at little children. When children get hurt, they cry and cry. Then, when they finish crying, there is no more hurt. They are able to release their emotion quickly because they do something that we don’t notice. They feel their hurt willingly. This allows the negative emotion to come, run its course, and go.

Find a time in your life when you were hurt and you cried and cried. Then, after you finished crying, you felt a wonderful freedom. This is a time when you felt your hurt willingly like a child.

When it comes to hurt, you don’t have a choice about feeling it. You will. Your only choice is to feel it willingly or unwillingly. When you feel it willingly, it comes and goes quickly. When you feel it unwillingly, it turns into pain and it stays.

More specifically, you can either feel your hurt as a victim of your circumstances or you can feel it deliberately, because you want to reach in and pull it out. When you feel your hurt as a victim, you can cry hours a day for months and have little or no healing. If you take the same hurt and feel it deliberately, because you choose to, you can have a major healing in minutes.

To heal your hurt, separate your circumstances from the emotion. Notice that the circumstances are outside of you and that the emotion is inside. Then dive into the hurt. Feel it deliberately and purposefully. Let the hurt come and let it go.

If a circumstance of life triggers a hurt that you are willing to feel, that circumstance will have no power over you. If a circumstance triggers a hurt that you are unwilling to feel, that circumstance will have total power over you.

If you find it difficult to release a negative emotion, you are probably dealing with the deeper, childhood hurt of feeling worthless, unlovable, not good enough, failure, or some other form of feeling not okay. If you want support in healing your hurt, give me a call.

Trust that you will always be okay

At any moment, the circumstances of your life are the way that they are. This is true whether you like it or not. When you can flow with the truth of the way your situation is, you see clearly and can see what needs to be done. Look at the areas of your life that work great. These are areas where you can flow with whatever happens. Now look at the areas of your life that don’t work. These are areas where you can’t flow.

When you fight the truth of the way your situation is, you create a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. You destroy your ability to find solutions and force destructive behavior. The moment you let go of the resisting, everything changes. You see your situation clearly. Solutions appear and this area of life starts clearing up.

The ability to let go and flow with life is one of the most important skills you can ever learn. It removes the emotion and allows you to see what action you need to take. To make the process of letting go a lot easier, there are two steps you can take. The first step is to trust. Trust that you will be okay no matter what happens. When you know that you will be okay no matter what happens, your circumstances lose power and letting go becomes relatively easy.

Ultimately, trust is a choice. It is something you create. You create trust by your declaration. “I will be okay no matter what happens. I trust, just because I say so.” The more you trust, the more you are able to let go. Solutions appear, problem areas clear up, and you become more able to trust.

Trusting is also telling the truth. You really will be okay no matter what happens. A good way to see this is to look at your life. You have had difficult times before and you have made it through every one of them. If you are in a difficult time now, this too will pass. Difficult times don’t come and stay. They come and go. How fast they go depends on whether you fight them or flow with them. When you flow with a difficult time, it comes and goes quickly.

In terms of spirituality, difficult times are brought to us. They are brought to us for our healing and our growth. They force us to look at areas we wouldn’t otherwise look at. They put our issues in our face so we can heal them. They kick us out of the nest and they get us ready for our future.

Difficult times are brought to us for our good. Look at the difficult times in your past and notice that good has come from every one of them. So trust. Trust that you will be okay no matter what happens.

The second step in letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt and get this negative emotion out of you. This is extremely important because it’s the automatic avoidance of this emotion that forces us to fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. We’ll talk more about this in the next newsletter.

If you are having trouble letting go or if you have an area of life that isn’t working, give me a call. I can show you how to let go of the resisting and resolve the problem area. A couple of sessions can create a healing and an awareness that will change your life.

What is transformation?

We have been taught and we believe that happiness and upsets come from outside of ourselves. We then go through life trying to force people and life to be a certain way. We fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. We that think that this will somehow bring us the happiness that we seek, but it doesn’t. Instead, it creates a life of fear, upset and suffering.

On the surface, we avoid certain circumstances, but at a deeper level, we don’t avoid the circumstances. We avoid all the feelings and emotion that get triggered by our circumstances. It’s the automatic avoidance of this suppressed hurt that sabotages our lives. This avoidance creates a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision. It destroys our ability to see what needs to be done and it forces destructive behavior.

If you could let go of the resisting and be willing in your heart for anything to happen, the fear and upset would disappear. You would see clearly and be very effective. Solutions would appear and the problem areas of your life would start clearing up. Life always works when you let go and trust. You also experience the very essence of who you are.

Who you are, under all the hurt, is pure love, pure creation, and pure possibility. When you are in this state, you are in the experience of love. You are happy, alive and free. The circumstances of your life have no power. You have a very positive attitude and great things happen around you.

When you experience who you are, you will be moved to tears. This is transformation. It takes place when you discover that the circumstances of your life are an illusion and that the only thing that’s real is love. The moment you discover this, your life will never be the same. The rest of your life will then be about developing your ability to live in this state.

As you bring forth this beautiful state of oneness, you create a life more wonderful than anything you can imagine. You also tap into the power of the universe. You can call this power God, love, or the light. It doesn’t matter what you call it. What’s important is to discover that it exists, to connect with it, and to bring it forth into your life. This is the purpose and essence of transformation.  This is also the purpose of our work.