We live in a world where all the focus is outside of ourselves. This is particularly true in the area of relationships. The only thing we notice is how the other person treats us. Then we act accordingly. If the person is loving and supportive, we’ll be loving and supportive. If the person is judgmental and critical, we will do the same. We treat the other person according to how that person treats us.
We make the other person responsible for the presence or absence of love. When we do this, we lose our power and there is no telling what will happen. It’s like Russian roulette. Maybe the relationship will work and maybe it won’t. Most of the time, it won’t. If you want your relationship to be great, it’s up to you. You can’t rely on the other person.
The key to creating a great relationship is to make sure the other person feels loved, accepted and appreciated.
Notice how you feel when someone genuinely loves, accepts, and appreciates you. It feels great. You feel empowered and automatically give love in return. The same thing happens when you love, accept, and appreciate someone else. That person feels empowered and automatically feels better about you. If you want your relationships to be great, make sure the people in your life feel loved.
Now look at the opposite. Notice how it feels when someone is judgmental and critical of you. It hurts. You put up your walls of protection and become critical in return. Then the other person gets upset and becomes more critical of you. Then you get upset and become more critical of the other person. Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking and withdrawing from each other. This cycle of conflict then goes on and on without anyone noticing his or her role in the problem. All the focus is on the other person.
It’s the cycle of conflict that destroys love and kills relationships. It creates tremendous damage and can easily be avoided. It can be avoided because in order for a cycle of conflict to exist, there must be two active participants. It’s like a tennis volley. Each person is giving non-acceptance, back and forth, back and forth. It takes two people to keep the volley going. It only takes one person to end it.
As soon as someone takes responsibility for the presence of love and refuses to return the serve, the volley is over. You end the volley by making sure the other person feels loved, accepted, and appreciated. Do this and watch what happens.
If accepting someone is difficult or if you are having trouble in a relationship, give me a call. I can show you how to end the conflict and restore the love in your relationship. You can also visit my website, www.MasteryofRelationships.com and read my book, How to Heal a Painful Relationship.