Articles from October 2020

I used to be a divorce attorney. When people came to see me, they were usually full of fear and upset. They also had lots of hurt from their relationship. Now they had to resolve important questions like what happens to the kids, the house, and how to handle their finances.

As you can expect, divorcing couples have very different opinions as to how these questions should be resolved. Unfortunately, most people attempt to resolve these issues in a way that makes it hard to resolve anything. We are taught to draw sides against the other person and fight to make sure our side wins.

We think that if we fight hard enough, our side will come out on top, but it doesn’t work this way. Everything we do to have our side win is calculated to have the other side lose. This puts the other person on the defensive and forces that person to fight us.
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Years ago, something happened and I got upset. I was so upset, I couldn’t think about anything else. My circumstances had total power over me. I lost my joy and my effectiveness. Sound familiar? This is what happens when we get upset.

I then shifted my focus from what was going on outside of me to what was going on inside of me. The first thing I noticed was that I was full of emotion. It’s the emotion that was stealing my joy and sabotaging my life. I had to get this negative emotion out of me.

The next thing I did was to notice all the hurt that was under my upset. Incidentally, there is always hurt under our upsets. We wouldn’t get upset if we didn’t feel hurt. The moment you are willing to feel this hurt, the upset loses power.
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