Posts belonging to Category Uncategorized

We fight the truth.

At any moment, your life is exactly the way it is. The people in your life are the way they are and what happened is what happened. How we feel about it is totally irrelevant. What’s so is still what’s so.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way your situation is, you are very effective. You may not like what you see, but you see clearly and can take action based on facts instead of emotion. You also look in a direction where solutions and opportunity show up. Look at the areas of your life that work great. These are areas where you can flow with whatever happens.

Now look at the areas of your life that don’t work. These are areas where you can’t flow. (more…)

Each of us are 100% responsible for love

Let’s say that you and I have a relationship. How I treat you determines how you will respond to me. If I am loving and supportive, you will respond one way. If I am critical or resentful, you will respond in a very different way. This makes me 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love and you are 0% responsible.

The other side of the coin is also true. How you treat me determines how I will respond to you. If you are loving and supportive, I will respond one way. If you are critical or resentful, I will respond another way. This makes you 100% responsible and I am 0%.
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On the surface we resist certain circumstances, but at a deeper level, we don’t resist our circumstances, we resist all the emotion that gets triggered by our circumstances.

To see how this works, let’s start by looking at the illusion of upsets. Find a time when you were upset. Didn’t something happen? Yes, it happened. Now notice how totally irrelevant your feelings were. No matter how upset you were, what happened still happened.

Now notice what would happen to the upset if somehow, you were at peace with what happened. The upset would disappear. It would disappear because upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are a state of mind and can only exist if we fight what happened.
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Being right and having love are opposites. In order to be right, you have to make the other person wrong. This destroys love and creates conflict. When you have love, it doesn’t matter who is right, and conflict disappears.

I saw this demonstrated years ago in a former relationship. Whenever we had an argument, the lady I was with would say, “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me?” This would instantly melt any resistance I had towards her. My upset disappeared and the experience of love returned. It didn’t matter if she was right or wrong, or if she should be forgiven or not. She didn’t care. She just wanted to get the experience of love back in her relationship.
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The biggest killer of relationships is not being at peace with the way someone is.

Let’s say that you and I have a relationship. If I can’t be at peace with the way you are, I will radiate non-acceptance with every breath. No matter what words I use, I am going to communicate, “You are not okay the way you are.” You will then get the message loud and clear. You will feel hurt, put up your walls of protection, and automatically give it back to me.

Then I will get more upset at you and you will get more upset at me. Without knowing, we will create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking, and withdrawing from each other. This is what happens when you can’t be at peace with way someone is. You are guaranteed to destroy love and sabotage your relationship.
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