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For most of us, the holidays are so full of activities and requirements that we can no longer live our lives the same way. The distractions and influences are so powerful, they pull us out of our reality.

Eventually the holidays end and we go back to our normal lives, but now something is different. Our reality has been disrupted and is a little unsettled. This creates an opportunity to change both our reality and our lives. This opportunity for change gets magnified by the fact that we are entering a new year.

Subconsciously, a new year represents a new beginning. This makes change even easier. If we don’t seize this opportunity and make the changes we want, we will go back to our old reality and repeat the past.
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When we get upset, we become full of negative emotion. We don’t notice this emotion, but it’s there and it totally destroys our effectiveness. It keeps us from seeing clearly and it forces destructive behavior. It also destroys love and makes life very uncomfortable.

When this negative emotion is present, we are guaranteed to make our situation worse. Unfortunately, we don’t notice this emotion. All our focus is on our circumstances.

We focus on our circumstances because subconsciously, we perceive them as a treat. To avoid this perceived threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw. Almost anything we do in a state of upset sabotages our lives.
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If you have a relationship or any area of life that isn’t working, there is a truth that you are fighting. Something is the way that it is and you are resisting it. Let me explain.

At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. The people in your life are the way that they are. The circumstances of your life are the way that they are and you are the way that you are. Everything may change tomorrow, but at any moment, what’s so is always what’s so.

When you are at peace with the truth, you can see your situation clearly and can focus on what needs to be done based on the truth. For example, my wife and I have a cat and that cat doesn’t bark. I can yell at the cat and plead with the cat, but no matter what I do, the cat still won’t bark.
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When you get upset, you close down inside. You get tunnel vision and lose your ability to see clearly. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. You destroy love and make your situation worse. Upsets are very destructive.

If you could be free of your upsets, you would be very effective. You would see life clearly and could see what needs to be done. The first step in accomplishing this is to discover that upsets are not caused by what happens. They are caused by fighting what happens.

To see this in your life, find a time when you were upset. Didn’t something happen? Didn’t it happen no matter how you felt about it?
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If you have two people together, you can expect to have disagreements. How you handle these disagreements determines the quality of your relationship. Most of us handle them in a way that is very destructive.

We get defensive and draw sides against the other person. Then we fight to have our side prevail. We believe that if we fight hard enough, our side will win. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.

Everything you do to have your side win is calculated to have the other side lose. This puts the other person on the defensive and forces that person to fight you. Then you get upset and fight the other person even more. Then the other person gets upset and fights you even more.
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