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For most of us, 2020 has turned our lives upside down and inside out. There has been lots of suffering. At the same time, good has come from the craziness. To coin a phrase from Charles Dickens, “It has been the best of times and the worst of times.”

We have been “shaken awake.” The world as we know it has stopped and we have been forced to look at our lives in a new way. In the process of looking, we have discovered new opportunities and new ways of being. We have also become more aware of what really matters in our lives.

For me, I have a much deeper appreciation for the little things in life: being with friends, a smile, a flower. It’s the experience of love that makes the biggest difference in our lives.
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I used to be a divorce attorney. When people came to see me, they were usually full of fear and upset. They also had lots of hurt from their relationship. Now they had to resolve important questions like what happens to the kids, the house, and how to handle their finances.

As you can expect, divorcing couples have very different opinions as to how these questions should be resolved. Unfortunately, most people attempt to resolve these issues in a way that makes it hard to resolve anything. We are taught to draw sides against the other person and fight to make sure our side wins.

We think that if we fight hard enough, our side will come out on top, but it doesn’t work this way. Everything we do to have our side win is calculated to have the other side lose. This puts the other person on the defensive and forces that person to fight us.
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Years ago, something happened and I got upset. I was so upset, I couldn’t think about anything else. My circumstances had total power over me. I lost my joy and my effectiveness. Sound familiar? This is what happens when we get upset.

I then shifted my focus from what was going on outside of me to what was going on inside of me. The first thing I noticed was that I was full of emotion. It’s the emotion that was stealing my joy and sabotaging my life. I had to get this negative emotion out of me.

The next thing I did was to notice all the hurt that was under my upset. Incidentally, there is always hurt under our upsets. We wouldn’t get upset if we didn’t feel hurt. The moment you are willing to feel this hurt, the upset loses power.
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The two realms of life

There was a day a while back when I was grumpy and life wasn’t much fun. I was discouraged and negative. Then I went to lunch and saw an old friend. We hugged each other and I experienced a powerful burst of love. All of a sudden, life was wonderful again. I was happy, alive, and very positive. Life was a joy and opportunity was everywhere.

Nothing changed in the realm of circumstances, but everything changed in me. One moment I was in the darkness and in the next moment, I was in the light.

We don’t notice, but there are two totally opposite realms of life. There is the realm of circumstances and the realm of love. As a culture, we only notice the realm of circumstances. We are convinced that happiness and upsets come from outside of ourselves.
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We all see life in a different way. Our view of life is created by the decisions we have made and the experiences we have had. We then act consistent with the way we “know” life is and life responds accordingly.

For example, if you “know” that relationships don’t work, you will keep your walls up. You will act destructively and your relationships won’t work. Ultimately, our points of view shape our lives and determine what happens around us.

Some points of view have more power than others. Some strongly held points of view have power because they are part of our identity. We then fight to protect them because if we lose them, we lose who we think we are. Other points of view have power because they protect us from some hurt.
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