The Mastery of Life Blog

Feeling hurt is not enough to release it. It’s how you feel it that determines whether the hurt comes or goes. Usually we feel our hurt at the effect. We feel like a victim of our circumstances. All the focus is on what happened.

When you are in this state, the circumstances have total power over you. You then feel your hurt in a way that prevents it from releasing. You can cry hours a day and still have plenty of hurt.

The key to releasing emotion and restoring your effectiveness is to separate the circumstances from the emotion. You do this by noticing their different locations. The circumstances are outside of you. The emotion is inside.
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When we get upset, we become full of negative emotion. Unfortunately, we don’t notice this emotion. All see are the circumstances, but the circumstances aren’t the problem. The circumstances are just triggering the emotion. It’s this negative emotion that gets us in trouble.

It destroys our inner peace and our ability to see clearly. It creates tunnel vision and forces us to act in a way that almost always makes our situation worse. This emotion is very destructive and our body naturally wants to be free of it.

The best way to see how our body releases negative emotion is to look at little children. When a child gets hurt, the child cries and cries. Then, after the child finishes crying, the hurt is all gone.
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I was recently in a state of feeling discouraged. When I looked at what was going on internally, I noticed something interesting. I had lost hope in a situation that was important to me. When you feel that there is no hope in an area that is important to you, you can expect to feel discouraged. You may even feel depressed.

So here is the question. How do you create hope? When you have hope, you have an inner excitement. You feel on top of your circumstances. You are confident and very effective. When you have no hope, your circumstances have total power over you. Confidence and energy disappear. Negativity soars and opportunity gets pushed away.

To create hope, there are several steps you can take. The first step is to free yourself of the negative emotion that is being triggered by your circumstances. Find the hurt that you would have to feel if your fears came true and if your situation could never change. Then dive into this hurt.
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There are two realities. There is the reality of life and our reality. Our reality consists of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and points of view. It exists only in our mind. In the reality of life, there are no thoughts, feelings, emotion, or points of view. There is only the truth. What’s so is what’s so. Things just are and our feelings about it are totally irrelevant.

A good way to see this is to look at an upset. Find a time when you were upset. Didn’t something happen? Yes, something happened. That’s the truth. It happened.

Now notice how totally irrelevant your feelings were about it. No matter how upset you were, it still happened. There is the truth of what happened and there are our feelings about it. The two are never, never connected in reality. They are only connected in our mind.
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Whenever you have an argument, there are two people participating. Each person is pushing his or her point of view on the other, and no one is listening. Nothing is getting resolved and the cycle of conflict is escalating dramatically.

Disagreements are fine, but arguments are very destructive. You can say a harsh word in an argument that results in a divorce four years later. You can clean up what you said, but you can never take it back.

The next time you find yourself in an argument, stop and listen. Hear what the other person is saying and hear it from that person’s perspective. You don’t have to like what the person is saying and you don’t have to agree with it. All you have to do is listen.
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