Look for your role in any conflict

Each of us are 100% responsible for love

Let’s say that you and I have a relationship. How I treat you determines how you will respond to me. If I am loving and supportive, you will respond one way. If I am critical or resentful, you will respond in a very different way. This makes me 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love and you are 0% responsible.

The other side of the coin is also true. How you treat me determines how I will respond to you. If you are loving and supportive, I will respond one way. If you are critical or resentful, I will respond another way. This makes you 100% responsible and I am 0%.

To say this another way, each of us are totally, 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love, but this is not what we have been taught. We have been taught that there is only one responsibility. Either you are responsible or I am responsible, or we cut this responsibility down the middle, 50/50.

This is what we’ve been taught, but it’s not the truth. Everyone is responsible. When we believe that there is only one responsibility, we lose our power and get into trouble. For example, If you and I are having a problem in our relationship, and if I believe that there is only one responsibility, I will look to find the source of the problem and I’ll find it fast. It will be obvious. It’s you.

Then I get trapped. I get trapped because when I point at your 100%, I’m telling the truth. You are responsible. You are totally responsible. And since I have found the source of the problem, I don’t have to look any further. This keeps me stuck and it keeps our relationship from working.

We throw away our power

When I blame you, I may be telling the truth, but so what? When I blame you, I give you my power. I am saying that you are 100% responsible. At the same time, I am saying that I am 0%. Herein lies the problem. If I am 0% responsible, what percent power do I have? None. You are the problem, not me.

When you blame someone, you may be telling the truth, but you are also giving that person all your power. You make yourself a victim and destroy your ability to take effective action. To get your power back, stop blaming and find your role in the problem. Once you see your role in a problem, you can do something about it. As long as you blame, you stay stuck.

Sometimes, we may be in a relationship with someone who is very destructive and abusive. When this happens, our role may be nothing more than staying in a relationship that we shouldn’t be in. Even in a situation like this, we have something to do with the problem.

Life only works in the areas where we take responsibility for the result.

You can create a great life

It is possible to be happy, alive, and free most of the time. Relationships can heal, problem areas can clear up, and you can create a great life, but this won’t happen by itself. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take. Fortunately, the process of transforming your life is relatively easy, but you have to know how. I can walk you through the steps.