The biggest killer of relationships

Love is never enough

Love is never enough to have a relationship work. The divorce courts are full of people who love each other. The key to having a relationship be great is actually very simple. Make sure the other person feels loved.

You do this by giving the gift of acceptance and appreciation. Notice how you feel when someone genuinely accepts and appreciates you. Doesn’t this feel good? Of course it does. You feel better about yourself and better about life. You also feel better about the other person.

The same thing happens when you accept and appreciate someone else. That person feels empowered and gives it back to you. By giving acceptance and appreciation, you create the experience of love.

What destroys love

Now notice how you feel when someone is non-accepting, critical, or controlling towards you. Instantly, the experience of love disappears. You get hurt and upset. You put up your walls of protection and automatically become critical of the person who is non-accepting.

The same thing happens when you are non-accepting and critical of someone else. That person gets upset, puts up his or her walls of protection, and automatically becomes critical and resentful of you.

Then you get hurt. Your walls of protection get stronger and you become more critical of the other person. Then the other person gets more upset and becomes more critical of you. Then you get more upset at the other person.

Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking, and withdrawing from each other. It’s this cycle of conflict that creates the suffering in relationships. To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, make sure the other person feels loved, accepted, and appreciated.

Easier said than done

Unfortunately, accepting is much easier said than done. Some people are very difficult to accept. Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth. The people in your life are exactly the way they are whether you like it or not.

Pick someone in your life that you can’t accept. Now notice that this person has a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. Notice that this person is exactly the way he or she is and that your feelings about it are totally irrelevant.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you can see the truth. When you can see the truth, you can see what you need to do. You can then make decisions and take action based on facts instead of emotion. You become very effective.

If you are not at peace with the way someone is, your focus will be on resisting instead of solutions. You will destroy love and create suffering. Literally, the biggest killer of relationships is not being at peace with the truth of the way the other person is.

So surrender to the truth of the way the person is and empower the person as a human being. Then do whatever you need to do to have your life be great. Remember, every time you interact with another person, you will either create the experience of love or destroy it, and whatever you give will come right back.

You can create a great life

It is possible to create a life more wonderful than you can imagine, but you have to know how. There are concepts to learn, issues to heal, and action to take. I can walk you through the steps. Give me a call. We can talk about your situation and create an action plan. I look forward to hearing from you.